hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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