Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
