Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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