9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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