If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
