Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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