I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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