if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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