Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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