counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
