Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
