just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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