Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
