who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
