What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Boobs are out for the taking
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
