ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
