I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
