at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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