I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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