guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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