I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
