Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
