i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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