From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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