yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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