He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
