the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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