omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i think my mom watched the whole time
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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