So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
