you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this just has baby written all over it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm sobbing to NWA
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
