WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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