just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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