the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
