No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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