I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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