i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
