You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
