I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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