what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
