There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
