his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
