we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
