I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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