I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
