my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
