Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
