I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
