it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
