is your mom at the bar?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
