did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh god it's open bar.
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