Taylor Swift is so right about you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My ass is underappreciated
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
